Fortunately, the scan on 12 August was again very positive.
The tumour is now just over 1 cm in size (previously 2.5 cm), the lymph node metastases have either decreased slightly or remained stable, and there are no new areas of concern.
That’s cool, isn’t it? I’m very impressed by my body’s ability to heal itself. But now I’m faced with another dilemma.
After reducing the anti-hormone therapy by half last June, I’m now really considering stopping it altogether. It’s a fact that the therapy is affecting my body, in particular my bones and muscles. I notice that my Antara classes (gym that focuses on deep muscles and joints) are becoming quite strenuous and I’m wondering if it is still justified to continue suppressing the oestrogen to the extent that I currently do.
I am struggling with some questions: how effective is the anti-hormone therapy in actually shrinking the tumour? About a year ago, I opted to go with the anti-hormone therapy in order to deprive the tumour of what it feeds on, i.e., oestrogen. I was then supposed to take Kisqali (a type of chemo) to shrink the tumour. However, I now find that the tumour is shrinking quite well without Kisqali. But would this still be the case if I stop taking Letrozol?
Another question – which is more spiritual in nature, so feel free to skip it if this seems strange to you – is this: assuming that the frequency/vibration of the disease is by definition low, shouldn’t I then be able to let go of the cancer by raising my personal vibration? I’ve been working on raising my vibration for quite a while now (since long before breast cancer was a reality). But couldn’t it be that I’m reaching some kind of limit? For example, I can imagine that Letrozol, a chemical with a low vibration whose sole purpose it is to destroy oestrogen (which is needed in many areas of the body), is also affecting my own personal vibration. Could a low vibrational disease even exist if the body, mind and spirit have a higher vibration? Does that make sense? Maybe I should just find out...
Another consideration is, could it be that the only reason I am still holding on to this type of medication is fear? Why can I not simply fully trust my body, mind and soul (yet)? Yes, I know what my body is capable of, and I’m amazed and grateful for what it has accomplished so far. But this is another great leap of faith – a quantum leap in the truest sense of the word. Why a quantum leap? Because while we may seem to be made of solid matter, if we look at the smallest parts that we are made of, our atoms, we are 99.9999... percent empty space - or rather, pure energy. Each atom has its own specific energy pattern, its vibration, so to speak. And that is our connection to the quantum field. Every single one of the countless atoms of our 50 trillion cells is connected to the quantum field and is a part of it. This is fascinating stuff, but also a little too complicated for me to explain it here coherently. I invite you to learn more about it, for example through Bruce Lipton's book “Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles”.
And this is what I'm dealing with now: Are my trust and faith strong enough? Because it is our beliefs and convictions that control our bodies. What if the tumour starts to grow again, now that I've come this far? What if I’m overlooking something important? What if I’m misjudging my condition? After all, I’m not a doctor. And, talking about doctors, what will my doctor and oncologist say? My oncologist was already quite surprised when I told her I had reduced the Letrozol (even though I had discussed with her that I was considering this step at the previous consultation). She seems to want me to ‘return to the fold’, i.e. to the standard protocol, as soon as possible, and pointed out that other medications are available if Letrozol doesn’t suit me (with exactly the same end result, but somewhat different side-effects, including an increased risk of uterine cancer).
Help … where is that darn intuition when you need it? And can you really trust it?
It’s now September, and I’ve found my intuition and faith again. I’ve taken the plunge, and stopped the anti-hormone therapy. I’ve definitively decided to focus on strengthening my body, rather than weakening it, and to continue working on raising my vibration.
At the same time, however, I also feel it is necessary to monitor the tumour and metastases more closely. I will discuss this with my oncologist in October, and will request an additional scan to see how this decision affects my situation.
Will keep you posted!