Almost six months into treatment, I’m happy to say that this blog is really encouraging!
In February, I opened a new door – a door that I hadn’t even suspected existed.
But first things first, OK? In the first half of the month, things were... a little exhausting. My osteoporosis measurement was scheduled for February 8 and my CT examination for February 19. I didn't dare to think beyond February 19 at all, because I was aware that the results could go either way. Had the tumour and metastases stopped growing? And what about my bones? Would I need the additional medication that was on the list for me (the one that could cause necrosis of the jaw). The bisphosphonates in the medication remain in the body indefinitely and can cause problems at any time during treatment.
This was actually a problem because I had a bacterial "something" under a very old root canal treatment that had been there, unchanged, for many years, but could cause exactly this kind of problem. And that was not uncommon, as my dental hygienist confirmed. The medical world has no idea what causes such a serious and not uncommon side effect - and that fact alone is reason enough for me to not even consider taking this medication. Instead, as I said, I continued to meditate, without expectations, but somehow also without fear.
February 19 represented a fork in the road. And the path would either lead home (I was already halfway there anyway, considering that my life expectancy was between 2 and 4 years) – or back into life, to a life where I could hopefully do something good and meaningful.
On February 14, I also had a consultation with a doctor from Paramed, my new anthroposophical support, where I was immediately given selenium and enzymes to flush out possible infections. After that, I was sent to the lab, where new components of my blood were once again analysed. I had no idea that so much information could be gained from a little blood – and that so much could be measured and compared to the "standard values". What a (complicated) miracle the human body is! How could one ever recognise and be aware of all the connections and interactions between all the different components? “Your body tells you what it needs” was the insight a few weeks later during a shamanic journey. “Just give it some time to crystallise the right answer from so much information.” So it was time to communicate with my body.
Furthermore, I visited the Paramed dentist and had an X-ray taken, which confirmed that the very old infection was still present. The solution: have the tooth extracted - it's dead anyway and has no use anymore... All you need is more or less 10,000 Swiss francs to implement a bridge and make your mouth look acceptable. I don't have 10,000 CHF - so the tooth is still there, including the infection.
On 21 February 2024, I received the most amazing and wonderful news that I could ever have imagined: the main tumour and all the metastases were significantly reduced, the lymph node metastasis even very significantly – and this was clearly visible in the picture(s)!
Do you remember Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? The moment when he dies at Voldemort's hand, and wakes up in a new ‘world’? He meets Albus Dumbledore, and asks him if that what he is experiencing at the moment is real or if it is just a figment of his imagination. The ingenious answer fits perfectly with my experiences with hypnosis, meditation and visualisation:
“Of course it's in your head, Harry, but why on earth would that mean it's not real?”
And here's another relevant quote I came across, this time from author Haruki Murakami, from Kafka on the Shore:
‘... once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.'
How true that is. And even though the storm is far from over yet, it has made everything a lot clearer, and my newly opened door shows me the way forward with clarity and courage... How can I be anything other than immensely grateful?
One last thing to finish: we are treating the osteoporosis precursor with vitamins K2 and D3 – mistletoe therapy continues to support my immune system – and magnesium, omega-3 and indole-3 carbinol (more on this in my next blog) are still my daily 'tonic'.
On to the next phase!